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The Exciting Adventures of Mary-Shoe Birkenstock and Beanicus Rainbowshine - Chapter 1

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Jan. 9th, 2006 | 09:38 pm
posted by: beanswednesday in i_ship_shoebean

This is the first chapter of many in the new and upcoming fanfiction cleverly entitled...

The Exciting Adventures of Mary-Shoe Birkenstock and Beanicus Rainbowshine

Beanicus Rainbowshine flipped her long, luxurious blonde hair. It sparkled in the candle-lit glow of the Great Hall. At eleven years old, she could already charm any boys she wanted with her shimmering blue eyes and her wheat-gold hair. She turned to her left and smiled at the girl next to her, flashing perfect white teeth. "My name is Beanicus Rainbowshine. Of the Cornwall Rainbowshines, of course. My father has an Order of Merlin, first class, by the way, for contributing research to the medical texts at St. Mungo's. We've been Ravenclaws for generations. Who're you?"

The shorter girl, whose hair hardly reached her ears, boinged on her toes excitedly. "I'm Mary-Shoe Birkenstock. You can call me Shoe, all of my friends call me Shoe. I'm from Glasgow, both of my parents are muggles. They're lesbians, you know."

Beanicus blinked at her. "What, in the name of Merlin, is a lesbian?"

Mary-Shoe's eyes widened in shock. She grabbed Beanicus' shoulders and squinted at her. "You mean, you've never heard of lesbians?"

"Er, no, I can't say that I have." Beanicus plucked Mary-Shoe's hands off her shoulders and hoped that her brand new robes hadn't been too mussed. An entire room full of students and teachers was watching!

"Lesbians," Mary-Shoe said dramatically, "are women who snog other women. Bean, you poor deprived child, never having heard of lesbians!"

"That's Beanicus, to you," the blonde grumbled. She wrinkled her nose. "And that is absolutely vile. Poor dear, growing up in that kind of environment. No wonder you turned out this way."

Before Shoe could protest, the rest of the room fell silent. Beanicus and Mary-Shoe turned to look at what was causing the silence. Up on the podium stood a woman who could only be Professor McGonagall.

"Now...." she said "I shall call your names in al-........sfandlaksjdf?a fafnefns? Cheese." Shoe very obviously wasn't paying attention; she was off in her own shiny sparkly world full of strange people and shiny swords. At the moment her dome (yes, a dome.) was under siege.... The evil witch from the sixth or seventh planet (She totally couldn't remember) was going to step on her dome and crush it....

Beanicus tugged at her shiny blond hair, "Everything has to be perfect when I get sorted into Ravenclaw," she declared in a mutter.

Shoe simply blinked, "Right! My toes are blue!"

Beanicus narrowed her eyes, "They are most definitely not," she said, "You're a muggle-born. How could you have made your toes blue? I bet you don't even know how to hold your wand proper!"

"I don't know," Shoe replied excitedly, even though this wasn't exactly a situation to be excited in. "I poked them with my sparkly wand and they turned blue."

With that statement, Shoe heard the words "Mary-Shoe Birkenstock!"

She squeed. Beanicus' eyes widened, this girl had squeed like a five year old getting ice cream. What a disgrace Shoe was. But it wasn't much of a surprise, considering she was a muggle-born.

Shoe ran up and settled herself on the stool, grinning broadly. The hat was placed on her head, and she waited. Hmmmm... the hat thought to her, Your head's a mighty jumbled place, ever considered therapy?

"I was in it!" Shoe replied happily, "But then I randomly stopped, apparently she gave up on me or something. ... Well, I guess it should be Ravenclaw. I don't know where else you'd go, you're a hard one to place. The hat was then removed from her head. McGonagall smiled at her, and pointed towards a table.

Beanicus gaped in horror as Shoe skipped her way down to the Ravenclaw table. Her House was being infiltrated by crazy girls with two mothers! She bit her glossed lip and glared in the sorting hat's direction. Stupid hat. It was Gryffindor's, too, and everyone knew that Godric Gryffindor had air for brains. Hmmpfh, Beanicus thought.

Her personal tirade continued in her mind as the first-years were sorted into their houses. By the time Professor McGonagall had gotten to Beanicus, she had stopped listening, too busy cursing Godric Gryffindor and his idiot hat to pay attention.

"Rainbowshine, Beanicus?" the woman said questioningly. "Miss Rainbowshine, are you listening?"

Beanicus flushed a peculiar shade of red – a blush that she had inherited from her mother which clashed horribly with her hair – and attempted to walk to the stool with at least an ounce of dignity. She sat, and the hat was dropped onto her head.

If you mess up my hair, I will kill you myself,Beanicus snarled at the hat. Also, if you don't put me in Ravenclaw, I will personally rip out your stitching and tear you to shreds. I was quite tempted to do so when you sorted Mary-Shoe Birkenstock into Ravenclaw, by the way, certainly that was a mistake. You should be taken from your post as sorting hat. I've done research on you, you know --

The sorting hat snorted. I was quite tempted to put you in Gryffindor just to be contrary -- Beanicus whimpered —but since you said that I can't put you anywhere else in good conscience.

I don't want to live with Mary-Shoe Birkenstock,
Beanicus complained.

Well, then, if you'd rather be in Gryffindor… The hat was smirking at her. No one smirked at Beanicus Rainbowshine and lived to tell the tale.

No, thank you very much, Beanicus hissed. I'll live. Just shut up and put me in Ravenclaw.

Mary-Shoe tackled and sat on Beanicus as she approached the table. Beanicus whimpered and considered running back to the sorting hat and telling it to please put her in Gryffindor. I am not going to make it through seven years of this and come out with my sanity.

Mary-Shoe Birkenstock (drawn by Shoe)
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The Sorting Hat and Beanicus Rainbowshine (drawn by Bean)
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

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Comments {4}


(no subject)

from: kimfabey
date: Jan. 10th, 2006 03:05 am (UTC)

Literary brilliance.

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(no subject)

from: l0stmyrel1g10n
date: Jan. 10th, 2006 03:06 am (UTC)



right. this will amuse me for the rest of the week. XD

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(no subject)

from: mirmie
date: Jan. 10th, 2006 06:21 am (UTC)


I demand more soon!

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Kiwi Crocus

(no subject)

from: cranky__crocus
date: Jan. 23rd, 2006 09:24 pm (UTC)


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